Camp Half - Blood... A REMEMBRANCE

EUREKA!!!... BELLISMA!!!....BRAVA!! and all kinds of AHHHHHHS!!! WE ARE FINITO!!! FINALLY... I can breathe again and be a person... I kid, I kid... Seriously though, I'll admit... Our project looks pretty B. A... Can't tell you how stressful it's been, but GEE WILLIKERS it'll BLOW... YOUR... BRAIN PAN.... :D BYE BYE, BLOGS!!!

Camp Half - Blood is... Somewhat REAL...

Alright, ALRIGHT... lets get down to bus o ness...

So far so good... Katlyn, Dani, Mollie, and Katie (BLESS THEIR HEARTS) brought all of their supplies needing for their booths... We brought objects to symbolize our Gods (I chose Dionysus and Pan... THE PARTY GODS!!! XD) *AHEM*  Anyhoo, this project has been QUITE rigorous, challenging, stressful and.... CRAPPY... BUT, I still have hope because I'm working with a team of superwomen!!! XD We're gonna a** and kick bubblegum... AND yes, you read that correctly... ;)

CAMP HALF BLOOD... IS REAL?!!

"This is what I had in mind... Cept it won't be on a map..."

WARNING: THIS BLOG IS REFLECTIVE AND THEREFORE WILL CONTAIN INTEREST DIALOGUE...

Otay, so since school will be over in about a week for the seniors... (CUSS YEAH!!! XP) We will be embarking on a VIRTUAL LITERARY TOUR... :D (*chirp* *chirp*... *chirp* *chirp*) Come one now... this will be fun!!! We (Katlyn, Katie, Mollie, Dani, and I) shall be create our old weight deck into a CAMP HALF-BLOOD from the best selling Pecry Jackson novels... Anyhoo, we'll create each camp to symbolize certain themes in the book... like FRIENDSHIP and FATE... and... MONSTERS... and we had to clean that dirty ol' place... But, so far so good... :P

Most Depressing Novel You'll Ever Read... FIN...

"I bet he's eating that eraser I gave him... BEFORE he died... :,( "

Well... After Charlie ran away from the Science Convention, he is on the lamb, and quickly finds a cute artsy - fartsy girl who truly understands him... They become... INTIMATE... (Don't make me spell it out for you...)  And... unfortunately... Algernon, Charlie's only friend at this point, the most intelligent lab mouse on the entire planet dies.  Charlie soon realizes that he too shall suffer the same fate.  As the days go by, Charlie starts to return to the same state he was in... He's forgotten most of the information he strive to learn and he's even forgotten where or who he is... Now, he is the old Charlie who returns to Ms. Kinnnan's class every night without the knowledge of their past relationship... He later retires at a nursing home and, before his brain is at the final stage of rotting away, he writes, "SAVE THE FLOWERS... FOR ALGERNON..."

:,( THE AWFUL END ),:

Secrets, EH? Hmmmm... SECRETLY SECRETS... That Are SECRETS...

"Frank Warren: Son, you have a post card!!! Let's see here... doo-dee-doo-de-do-do, I'm sure he won't mind me read-... *mumble, mumble* (READING SO'S MAIL) One time, when my Dad was being a total d*****, I throw in tooth brush in th- HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!" 

For A.P. class, Ms. A has devised yet another marvelous assignment for us... (And there was much rejoicing... KIDDING, Kidding... )  THIS time, we are going on "Post Secrets" ( A website where people confess their personal "secrets" for the entire planet to see...) and basically being creepers (I kid, I kid...) Some make you pee their so hilarious, others are extremely honest, but some make you want to baul your eyes out because their that depressing... You see, for those people, this is the only way they can let their deepest secrets out... But what I don't understand is why post it for the world to see? Attention, compliments?... who knows, I personally don't "thrive" or "get a kick" out of gossip and secrets...  The guy that started all this, Frank Warren, even had some secrets of his own.  When he was a little boy, he went to  St. Casimirs church mostly every day and enjoyed every minute of it.  Then as he became older, he took C.C.D (You know, Confraternity of Christian Doctrine?) Well, one day he confessed to his priest and said, "I, uh, I have told lies" and the priest told him to pray a dozen times... This was the last time he went to confession and long story short, he started "POST SECRETS" 

THE END  

Secrets Don't Make Friends... OR Do They? >:)

"ROFL x1000000000!!!! XD Oh god, this is SOOOOOOOOO funny!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Before you report me to Uncensored Child Blogging Services (I'm 18 by the way...) Just hear me out... I have 2 very good reasons that I posted this rather hilarious "secret" (AND other ones to come... ;D ): 1.) Our A.P. teacher, Ms. Alexander, is introducing us into the world of "Post Secrets"... a website where people tell their dirtiest, weirdest, and most guiltiest secrets... (even ones with a side boob on it) & 2.) Well, this one made my eyes rain it was so humorous....  This guy, WHOEVER he is, has guts to letting his secret out because it takes a very honest person to say those things, right?  He kewl in my book!"

"I chose THIS one because... well, I wouldn't doubt that even the most beautiful girl you knew DIDN'T or WASN'T entirely satisfied with her mental and physical state.  I've felt this way about many girls (This brings out the WORST in people by the way) and, because of my insecurities, I was always  thinking, "Why are you so UNGRATEFUL?!! You can have ANY boy you want and they still aren't GOOD enough for you!!! You're sooooooo perfect and all you do is b****h about how you're not because you sure as h*** know you ARE!!! QUICK FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS!!! Yes, that is my dark side... which isn't an attractive trait on my part.  I've also felt this way about girls who had the guys that I had feelings for... I'll even admit that a part of me hated them, because my "ego" was hurt and my confidence was shattered... but it wasn't their fault... it was MINE... " 

"YUP... STORY OF MY LIFE, probably the story of ALL our lives... Same for the "POST SECRET" above this one, being jealous of another for what they have... IS truly a sin... You can't hate a person for that... It's funny how people are always like, "BEAUTY is on the INSIDE" and "HAVE CONFIDENCE" (Which is true) BUT lets not kid ourselves, kay? Come one, we live in a shallow world where people forget the things that are the MOST important... take personality, for instance... HUMANS DON'T FOLLOW THE RULES... We've known this since day UNO... I mean, you follow those stupid TEN COMMANDMENTS?!! Anyhoo, because men are "visual creatures" and their eye sight is a H****OFALOT better than their brains that are between their... um... never mind... and BECAUSE men are simple creatures who need to relive their *ahem* "testosterone"... The female race try everything our power to "enhance" our beauty... because we try to please and when they don't NOTICE us... WE FEEL LIKE CRAWLING INTO A BALL OF INSECURITY AND SELF PITY AND JUST DIE... I just want all the girls who read this to be like, "HEY... I'm beautiful in my own way, I'm ONLY ugly if I choose to be!!!" :)

 "This one, I chose because it touched me... This is, I can't even describe how sad this is... I've known so many good kids that grew up this way...  Nice kids that have it tough, so tough that the "privileged" kids bully them... They've lived a life that I could never imagine... It's sad when I hear people say, "THAT kid is trouble.. he does drugs and has been a jail... SMOKES WEED TOO!!! What a waste of life, that stupid kid is..." or when they say "So THIS is where my tax money goes to... a bunch of F-ing bums who don't work and drink all their WELFARE MONEY AWAY!!!" I wanna say, "YOU don't even know their life story, you are YOU to judge... What makes YOU think you can judge others without looking at yourself?!!  I guess you're CRAP don't stink and that you're better than these kids cause YOU feel "ENTITLED" to tell them how F-ED UP THEY ARE?!!  YOU try walking a mile in THEIR shoes... and maybe, just MAYBE you'll see that THEY are NO different than YOU..."

"We are ALL looking for answers... but sometimes, life ain't so nice about it...  Like U2's excellent song, "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For...", I can say that when we all depart from this world, we want to know that it was worth something, you know? Like... we want to discover something beautiful, something unique, something... phenomenal... I'll admit that their are days where I want to find... something...  BECAUSE we have BORING lives... and yet we expect something MORE..."

"I really like this one... It puts a smile on my face and then it makes me really sad... It describes the relationship between parents and their children... When your a kid, you think the whole d*** WORLD is against you, you're parents DON'T understand, and that LIFE, EXISTENCE... SUCKS...  Yet, as hormonally stressed young adults, we are sheltered from the real world... Yes, growing up sucks... but ALL parents love their children, you know?  We'll learn to respect what they did for us in the end... We ingore their advice, but we can't help but love our parents... to gain their acceptance"

"Let me just say, that I for one do NOT believe in one-night stands or friends with "benefits"... HOWEVER, I don't shun the people who partake in these activities...  Some people, regardless of their conscience, can't resist the temptations/ pleasures of the flesh...  For others, they aren't meant to be "tied" down, don't want that "special" person, and have "impure" thoughts about someone that they aren't dating...  For those of you who think this he or she is a sl*** or man-h**, you MUST remember that we're human... SEX drives us as well as LOVE... All in all, we're animals... Our brains tell us differently... Trust me, the people you "think" are prudes, are real BEASTS in the bedroom... TRUST ME, don't underestimate their "sexual" potential... ;)"

"I believe that we are ALL gulity of this... Loving someone we're NOT suppose to... It's not like you're a homosexual (BECAUSE YOU CAN LOVE WHOEVER YOU WANT!!!  Which IS true... <3 )... NO, this is like, TABOO... It's really bad and I think this person knows it... We always fall for that wrong person... AND LOVE JUST HAPPENS THAT WAY... I almost feel terrible for this kid or adult..."

"I decided to save another funny one for last, because the other ones were depressing.. Teeheehee, this one is like, "CRAP, the cleaner knows of a NYMPHOMANIAC... My social life is RUINED... I'm suppose to be the "nice" girl or guy!!! I'm disgusting, I'm a PERVERT!!!" It's uncool that the "cleaner" stole that KAMA-SUTRA book... but I don't think that person should embarrassed for being... human... THEN AGAIN, nothing is more awkward than being like, "Uh, hi, yeah, um... I have this, like, "dirty" book *ahem* and, IT WAS MY BROTHER'S I SWEAR!!! I mean, why would I have something like that? pssshhhh... You know how they are, silly little brothers heehee... And I, sorta kinda need it BACK.... hee...heh..." 

I'm Hip... I Guess...

"Art... Is... The... Essence... Of... Being..." 


PLEASE MS. A IT DIDN'T WORK.. I SWEAR!!!! Not like the thousand times it didn't work and I was all like "Ms. A, MS. A... the world is FALLING APART, CATS AND DOGS LIVING TOGETHER... MASS HYSTERIA!!!" PLEASE.... PLEASE BELIEVE ME!!! :O

What's the "SYMBOLOGY" there?!!

"KNOWLEDGE - Books are the gateway towards knowledge...  Hey, I can see some dust on those dictionaries..."

"LIFE - Trees live for like.... EVER... and they still prosper in this crazy world of ours... Should've took a picture of the workplace.. that would be MORE accurate..."

"OPPORTUNITY-  Oh look... Here's some random painting that's telling me that I can do whatever I want to change the FUTURE... Okay, so does that mean I can be a vigilante and fight crime?  How about staying home, living with my mother, and never having to work or pay taxes ever again?

"DEPRESSION - As you can see, this isn't the type of image you see that your regular Guidance Counselor's office... Where's the puppies and babies and GUMMY BEARS?!!  Rain ain't so bad... Come on, now...

"BOREDOM - WOW... GOLF... La-dee-freaking-DA!!! It's the most BORING thing to do EVER!!! I mean, my god, all you do is WHACK THE BALL, GET IN THE CART... WHACK THE BALL, GET IN THE CART... WHACK THE FREAKING BALL, AND GET IN THE FREAKING CART!!!  You can dress like a p***p and nobody would care... Bob Barker called he wants his WARDROBE back!!!  I'd rather... I'd rather... do something that's NOT GOLFING to this blog!!! (Like having all my finger and toe nails ripped off or something...)

"DANGER- ENERGY DRINKS... BADDDDDDDD.... Seriously kiddos, DEATH BEFORE CAFFEINE!!!"

"SILENCE- This is the sound... of SILENCE... Now, if you listen, wery, wery quietly... *CHIRP* *CHIRP*..."

"HELP- Ask and you SHALL receive... Trust me, no one will save you if an ice cream truck is around..."

   

"DIVERSITY- This is all the *ahem* diversity you'll ever get here at WEST MONONA... "

"GENDER - There will always be stereotypes about girls and boys... AND, as you can see, we are so ashamed of ourselves that we HAVE the "urge" to cover our naughty bits and giggle/blush..."

Probably The Most Depressing Novel You'll Ever Read... Part 4

"Algeron, ya better eat this bar of soap... cause it'll make you DUMBER I mean... smarter... KANSAS... I mean New York"

Well, *sigh* this book, regardless of how well written and unique it is, will not have a happy ending I'm afraid.  You see, life for Charlie hasn't been skittles, unicorns, or rainbows... It has been a living hell for this poor creature.  After he starts to remember all the terrible things that happened to him, discovers new feelings about women and himself, sees the true colors of his "friends", and falls in love with Ms. Kiannan only to have her say, "Charlie, you've really changed, we just don't relate anymore... you make me feel stupid and you've been using me because you don't understand yourself..." (Yeah... poor fella, all he wants to be is SMART... but was he better off?)  He finally goes to a science convention in Chicago, where he is basically the science experiment... And Professor Nemur and Dr. Strauss are the geniuses who want all the credit.  Charlie doesn't appreciate being treated this way, like a lab animal, treated like an inferior for being smart and trying to "fit in"... At the convention, Charlie shows the audience how intelligent he compared to Nemur by releasing Algeron from his cage and escaping from the convention to find his own apartment where the scientists won't find him... But what Charlie doesn't know is that the knowledge, I.Q., etc is only temporary and will have some "nasty" after effects. He hates the world and everyone in it... Can't say I don't blame him... :(

Probably The Most Depressing Novel You'll Ever Read... Part 3

"Is that a plunger coming out of that BOTTLE? o_____O"

Okay, OKAY.... I can't delay you from the horrible memories of Charlie's ANYMORE.  *SIGH*  So after Charlie had his
surgery, he progressed slowly and slowly to become smarter.  At first, he was frustrated and thought that the surgery didn't work because Charlie has struggled SO hard to become smarter... Everyday after work, he goes to Ms. Kinnan's class, does his progress reports, learns something new everyday, and falls asleep to a monitor that subconsciously teaches him things.  As he becomes smarter and smarter, the spelling of his progress reports improves, he learns things at a rapid rate and he learns things about himself.  He realizes that his friends are jerks who used him to get their... SICK KICKS.  People start to treat him differently because they feel "dumb" around him.  Charlie even starts to understand his, *ahem* ACTIVE glands... He starts to see the world around him for what it is... and it's sooooooo CRAPPY... Okay, I LIED... I didn't exactly tell you the "stories" but they are SO HORRIBLE that I didn't tell you so... you can call a "whambulence" cause I AIN'T TELLING!!!!!!!! >:(

           



Probably The Most Depressing Novel You'll Ever Read... Part 2

"Charlie after some "sophisticated" changes in both brains AND looks... WOW, you would've known that experiments to make you smarter could make you sexier as well... *WOLF* ;)... JK JK..."

Well, I promised you that I would tell you all the BAD, HORRIBLE, DEPRESSING, AWFUL, S dash dash dash TTY things that have happen to this poor young man... :(  After his test, he starts to progress in his intellectual skills... he starts to see the world around him as a horrible place and all of his bad memories come back... there's so many that I can list... but they are just soooooo horrible, that I'll have to tell you in another blog because it'll take up TOO much of your time! ^_^  All in all, he falls in love, gets hurt, the people he thought cared for him don't because they liked it when he was "dumb" and they could riducule him... Theres more that I just donr wanna say... :( And yes... this blog wasn't funny this time...

Probably The Most Depressing Novel You'll Ever Read... Part 1

"As you can see, Algeron is much kewler than you'll ever be... all because of this model screen shot that was taken... there he is posing like a BOSS."

After I finished ze Maltese Falcon, I decided to challenge myself by reading the full story of Flowers for Algeron.  And, oh mang, its a excellent story, so touching, so heart breaking that it is making my eyes rain... :'( Prepare to be moved.  Well, the story is centered aroundand narrated from the progress reports of 32 year old Charlie Gordan, a mental handicapped man who works at Donner's bakery in New York City who yearns to be illgent like his friends at the bakery, like Frank Reilly, Gimpy, and a couple of others... (but who really aren't his pals, but a bunch of d-bags, jerko**, a**holes who treated him like crap for his whole life, but Charlie didn't know it.  Using him to get their sick kicks, hate people like that...>:C) Sorry for the French, but you'll understand when all is told, and you TOO will feel Charlie's pain.  Charlie goes to Collidge College everyday after work to get reading/spelling lesson from the purty, friendly Ms. Kinnian.  He writes progress reports everyday and takes many tests with Pr. Nemur and Dr. Strauss. He is very slow and can't interpret what is being read, or said to him.  Anyway, he accepts to having surgery on his brain to make him smarter...  A test that was done to a laboratory mouse called Algeron and was successful.  In just 2 weeks, he becames smarter... I'll tell you the worst parts later... :(     

MEMORIES... ALL ALONE IN THE.... uh... how doe's that song go again? :/

"Hmmmmm, that's funny... where is the part of the brain that consists of EMPTY BRAIN FARTS?  And is this a woman or man?!! o_O" 

WARNING: THIS BLOG IS CLEAN...

In our most wondrous class of AP Literature-ness, we played a amusing little game that showed us how well our noggins work.  Each one of us had to remember a memory, write it down on paper (Even draw a little embarrassing sketch of the event), and tell our fellow classmates about it.  And we switched so that everyone knew everyone's memory and yadda, yadda, yadda.... Well, when it came to remembering my classmates memories, I had the advantage of having a pretty darn good memory in the first best (Yup, *sigh*, I know... ;D ) and chewing on a piece of fresh minty gum earlier... What I remembered most was the descriptions, the colors, the feelings of what I was being told.... meaning that I remember things vision-ally rather than orally (Please... don't laugh when the word "orally" shows up in my blog... :P )  Like, lets say their was this Creeper Mc'Creep pants or Boobs Mc' Pervert or whatever name his name is that was hitting on me with chessy, unclever, sleazy pick up lines.  I'd rather remember that weirdo's face than his fake name he uses to talk to unlucky girls he happens to lay his eyes on... Actually I would have to have my memory wiped so I can forget about that... that... UGGHH...   Most of my classmates memories were either happy, about going to places I've never seen or WILL ever see, from cute wittle puppy's to kissing whales. (Awwwww ^ ^ ) or they were painful ones that have left emotional scars, such as being bit by a rabid deadly mouse of destruction or dogs "accidentally" killing their pets that they loved more and the dog was seeking revenge... Yeah, pretty heavy stuff o_O  It was also ironic that we would add "other" details that we forgot... teeheehee... *AHEM* These remind me of one particular memory of my that happened years ago and oh, how I've  wished it to go away, but life is cruel that way... Anyway, during the earliest stage awkward, horrid puberty years... I had a extremely short hair, was a giant among children my age, and bloater than a Macy's Day Parade balloon...  If this wasn't bad enough, I was called a "boy" by many ignorant, BLIND you knew darn well that I was a girl...   I wasn't even a TOMBOY nor  do I even look like a BOY!!! >:(  Especially this one time when I went into the ladies biffy at a public rest stop.  A little girl, no more than 7 or so, looked up at me. (Keep in mind, I was pretty fricking tall...)  As her mother came out of one of the stalls, the little girl whispered, as all children do, in her mother's ear... AND like all children who don't know any better, have a social filter, and don't watch what come's out of their tiny mouths, she whispered in her little kid voice... "Mommy, was is their a boy in here?!!"  The mother shushed her and look at me with a "Please forgive my child, she doesn't mean it... OH GOD, how embarrassing" face.  At first, it didn't bother me... but years later, with insecurities and growing up, it NEVER left me... I've been insecure about it ever since. :,(  NOW, this can be related to The Sound and the Fury... considering that this novel consists of a dysfunctional family and all the terrible memories that reflect the family and plot... from their minds...  It's makes you, as the reader, go "Wow, they're screwed up man... thought my family had problems!" However, each character has a diffident memory and is an emotional wreck in his or her own way...  

     "*SIGH*... I guess little girls can pull it off better then I ever could... SAD FACE :("

This is an analysis, GET ME?!!

"Probably the kewlest movie poster EVA... Anyone who cares to disagree... will get IT!!!"
"Unfortunately... they don't make kewl movie posters... SAD FACE... :,{[ ) 


I have finished an excellent achievement in achievement mystery novel by the clever Dashiell Hammet (Who also wrote another classic novel," The Thin Man." Total Classic... ;}D )  This novel shows the true nature of men, their desires, and the horrible, HORRIBLE, things they will do for the moo-la.  Spade isn't a nice guy, cause he doesn't have time for that.... He's like Shaft, you know? Whose a d**k bad a** mutha and is a sex machine with the ladies?... SPADE!!! Awwwww YEAHHHHHH... *AHEM* Anyhoo, he isn't your Mr. Nice guy who would help little old ladies down the street or kiss babies on the head... Would you take him home to your Ma and Da?  Is he the type of guy with a button down shirt and " I NEED A JOB!!!" motto?   H*LL NO!!! And O'Shaunessy?!! PLEASE!!! She is a torn up from the floor up, floozy, HO fo SHO... (Sorry, but I felt it appropriate...)  Using her bod to attract stupid shmucks to do as she pleases with them... she is a really, really, really bad girl!  And the other characters?!! I'm... I'm... not gonna even go there... I enjoyed this novel because, well, it's a mystery novel and those books always have you on the edge of your seat.  You never know what is going to happen next.... 

 "FIN"

You'll Take You're Slapping And Like It For The Last Time!!!

That kid that was tailing Spade is named Wilmer Cook... forgot to add that last time because I didn't find out till recently...


NOW ON TO THE LAST BLOG!!!

"You're kidding me, you're bluffing... this thing is worth millions?!! It can't be worth more than Micheal Jackson's Thriller jacket could it... Wha, it IS?!!


 I've finished the book (Heck yeah!) ... See what happens is, Spade and O'Shaunessy talk to Cairo about the "bird" or "G" as they refer to it in the book, they tease Cairo about his homosexualiness, Cairo tells O'Shaunessey how much of a floozy she is, and then the cops arrive. (How appropriate...)  Anyhoo, Spade tells the coppers that they were acting... ha ha, cops leave and they get back to business, Spade needs info on the "G". So, long story short,  Cairo works for the Gutman, Spade goes to see the Gutman at his place... Gutman says that he wants the Maltese Falcon from Spade.  Gutman talks about the Maltese Falcon, a bird with a crap load of rare diamonds, or jewels, rubys, you know, rich stuff that people are willing to kill other people for.... was a gift from the King of Malta and was entrusted to the Knights Templar from the Middle Ages... so, in short, it's worth a butt load in moola.  Gutman puts sleeping drug in Spade's drink, Spade blacks out, wakes up in his apartment, a officer from work has been shot and has a strange package with him.    Spade and Effie go, "OMG it's not what I think it is?" (That bird... The Maltese Falcon)  Spade goes to the Gutman, Gutman and Cairo offer $10,000 this time, Gutman says that in exchange for the package for the moola Sapde will get, you also gotta take the blame for Archer, Thursby, and the officer's death... Spade says yeah whatever, gives up the package, AND...

  "What the... what is this... a FURBY?!!  I've been DOOPED, BAMBOSILLED... Why, I've been SPITTCKLEDWARFED!!! "   


Yup, the Maltese Falcon in the package is a fakie... Cairo gets into a little hissy fit, while Gutman sulks in shame.  They depart, leaving O'Shaunessy and Spade alone.  They have a fight, Spade finds out that O'Shaunessy killed Thursby and his partner... And so, because he had to avenge his pal, he turns her into the police... THE END!!!  
(A analysis will come next Friday, STAY TUNE!!!)

"Bros before HOES, O'Shaunessey..."

Grapes of Wrath... GREATEST NOVEL & MOVIE EVA!!!

"Our house... is in the middle of the DUST BOWL

Our house... was once a shack but now a DUMP...

Just kidding! :) (It's a very crappy situation for the Okies... D: )"

This week has been awesome, literally!!! It's ITEDS week and seniors who passed those stupid things don't have to take them EVER AGAIN!!! XD And not only that piece of good news... A.P. Lit kids have been watching the black and white classic "THE GRAPES OF WRATH" Starring Henry Fonda and directed John Ford!!! One of the greatest movies EVER!!! (I bawled the first time I watched it, because it touched my heart! <3) Grapes of Wrath is a story that follows the Joad family and their journey to California along with the other Okies who were kicked out from their homes.... Many people feel as if the book is boring and dull, well, I beg to differ.  John Steinbeck, one of the most gifted writers of all time, portrays human misery and depression incredibly well! Before this time, I don't believe that any known writer has written anything that focused on such issues before 1939.  I loved the movie as well as the book!  The Okie's tale is the saddest I've ever heard.  They were simple folk born with nothing, raised with nothing, and then a storm and land owners take all they have away.  Through out the movie, the Joad family gets screwed over... but they carry on... showing how strong human spirit.  I adore movies and books of this genre.  The movie is differnet then the book for controversial reasons.  Sure, I do enjoy a sappy romance or a "were everyone lived happly ever after" feel good hit of the year... but, those kinds of movies don't even compare to ones like Grapes of Wrath... Never...   I loved both, rather I watched it or read it...     

You'll Take Your Slaping And Like It!!! Or The Maltese Falcon Numba Eight...

"So I heard this story from a guy, who knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew this guy's cousin..."


After Iva Archer's little jealously episode earlier, Spade still resides at his place with his gal pal O' Shaunessey and tells her a story about this guy who abandoned his wife and kids, only to end up coming back to the mess he was in... to warn O' Shaunessey the mess she's in.  Anyways, Cario comes to Spade's place and the three of them discuss the issue over the "black" bird... Dun... Dun... DUNNAAAAA!!!  Cario tells them that the 15,000 is still on... and that he works... for... the... GUTMAN!!! *Gasp*  That's all I got... soooo far. Well, actually there's MORE...  You see,      

Shakespeare Was Nothing More Than A... RANT SCALLION?!!

"You could ever imagine that THIS guy could write plays? What a GENIUS!!! Oh wait... let's debate this 400 years LATER... "

For the past week, Ms. A (The wonderful woman/teacher she is ;D ) has given us a MOVIE week!!! (CUSS YAY!!! XD)  Our 1st movie we got to watch and just finished today, was none other than the movie... ANONYMOUS!!! Ms. A has been wanting to watch this movie for like... EVER.... Well, it starts out with this regular struggling playwright/poet named Ben Johnson... hes running away from these guards and he hides these documents... which are plays btw...

"Ben Johnson: unfortunate schmuck that gets screwed over in history books forever..."

Long story short, William Shakespeare didn't write his own plays, yeah, that's right... Shakespeare was a fraud, a d-bag loser pants whose awkward, not funny, and overly whimsical... that's what this whole
FREAKING movie is about!!! And that impostor even BLACKMAILED the man you REALLY wrote the greatest plays in Britain... 

"Don't be fooled by what you see... this is indeed an angry mob who can't wait to rip Shakespeare into itty bitty pieces..."

You see, Ben Johnson was asked, actually he was told that he will take have the glory of writing the plays that Lord Oxford had written, Lord Oxford is the genius, the mastermind... he can't write plays because it makes his whole family look bad... Now you wants that? Heaven forBID a Lord can express his talents and write beautiful literature that he shares with the world... 

"Lord Oxford: Errol Flynn looking and Dave Matthew talking tragic man who is doomed from the beginning... WHOSE even more screwed over than any character in this movie..." 

You see, Lord of Oxford had a little "fling" with Queen Elizabeth the 1st several years before, like when he was 12 or some crap like that and she was like...55...

"Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore of the Middle Ages..."

"See what YEARS and YEARS and YEARS and YEARS of rule, family dysfunctional relationships, and having affairs with boys 20 years younger than you can do to a woman?"

So, during his years with this Cecil guy who is the closest advisor to the Queen, when Oxford's secret affair (Ewwwwie...) is discovered Cecil forces him to marry his only rather boring young daughter.  Out of that mess came a boy and Oxford's works. 

"Cecil: Father of Robert Cecil, advisor and a man who passes his grunges and a-hole characteristics to his son... He would be proud"

However, Oxford would never know who his son was... till the end... to build suspense and screw around with the audiences minds... Anyhoo, there's this Catholic uprising going on and these two guys: Lord of Haviesham or something like that and this ginger guy, need to settle this quarrel of these poor common Catholics. 

"Lord of so and so (Something really British) and that redhead general: Two generals who happen to have fabulous perfectly quaffed hair and outstanding strategy skills..."

All in all, Robert Cecil, son of Cecil, whose always hated Oxford from the start, which isn't really explained other than Robert Cecil is just a turd of a man revails the TRUTH... to the Oxford because he thrives on people's misery...

"Robert Cecil: A little dark hunchback creep/stool pigeon who constantly lies to the Queen and secretly likes to cause drama in the royal family..."

The sad part of this whole movie is that, not only is Oxford not being credited for his plays but he slept/ conceived a boy with his SISTER Queen Elizabeth the 1st... Yeah... turns out he was one of the sons to Henry the VIII and he did it with his cougar sister... (Not the only one, mind you... she gets around) Oxford could have even been king... if he didn't write his silly little plays (Which aren't silly at all) The Queen dies and King James of Scotland takes over in her place. Oxford, wanting to die, asks Ben Johnson to disponse of his works.  When he leaves, Oxford dies, probably from gulit and more gulit.  If there is hope in the end, when King James (Like the Queen, who even unbuttons her dress because she is so moved by the words... please don't question) fancies these plays and they are saved from the fire and buring of the theater...

All in all, I enjoyed this movie and I like it! ;)

You'll Take Your Slaping And Like It!!! Or The Maltese Falcon Numba Seven...

"Listen here pal, I'm not interested in your... your... NEWSPAPER!!!"

After Spade had his way with O'Shaunessey, you know what I'm talking about, he secretly pulled out a pair of tickets that gay Cairo guy had in his pocket and goes to the Geary theater.  Then, all of the sudden, Spade is being followed by this kid.  This kid is watching all his moves and, well, Spade doesn't like it... than he sees that same kid on his way to see O'Shaunessey again for info and maybe some lovin.  Anyhoo, O' Shaunessy delays the conversion about that "bird" sill and Iva Archer, who wanted to see Spade sees him with another woman... AND she is P.Oed... So, what do jealous women do? Well, they simply send the police up to your door...    

You'll Take Your Slaping And Like It!!! OR The Maltese Falcon, Numba Six...

"Spade: Are you a poof?!!

Cairo: I SHOULD SAY NOT!!!"

In Chapter 5, I explained to you, the audience or reader or whatever, that Spade was visited by a flaming homosexual poof  by the name of Joel Cairo (He shows clear signs of queerness, not making fun of gays because I respect them and their "sexual" orientation, by putting his cane in his mouth... yeah... you're smart, you can figure it out...)  Anyhoo... he gives Spade an offer of $15,000 while he searched Spade's place... using his gun, you know, pointing at him and what not...  for the  MALTESE FALCON (Dun... Dun... DUNNNNN...) 

"Instead of both you and I being copeople, why can't we be... CO-RELATIONS?"

Cairo skips out like a gay boy out of Spade's flat (No joke...) leaving Spade to ponder on this "Falcon" thing or whatever... Spade, with his womanizer skills, get's it on with O'Shaunessey to get info on that bird.  She, of course, is a big floozy and she just leads him and and says that she has the bird, but it's not WITH her... (We all know that's wrong... ;) )

"When I think of YOU I touch my cane..."

You'll Take Your Slapin' And Like It!!! OR The Maltese Falcon Numba Five, See?...

"(Peter Lorre voice:) So, yeah, I stole this from some poor blind guy... not like he needed it or anything... Hee-hee "

After Spade's little "visit" with dame Brigid O'Shaunessessy and that little departing scene they share, Spade decides that he needs to sort this business between him and the coppers.  He goes to the attorney's office and basically says "I didn't do it,see? These coppas got it all wrong... next time ya wanna bring ya boys to accuse me, I'll just refuse, get me? Actually... it was more like Spade asked the attorney how long he can refuse to answer the coppers ri-dunk-ious questions. 

Leaving the attorney's office P-Oed, Spade returns to his apartment to find his little weasel of a man who calls himself... "John Cario."  This "guy" offers Spade a reward of $5,000 for a rare bird called... "THE MALTESE FALCON." (Dun... Dun... DUNNNNNN....)  However, like a little weasel, the little you know pulls out a gun on Spade and searches his office...  Spade knocks him unconscious and discovers some tickets in his pocket... Yeah, like Spade would have some "rare" bird in his office... or DOES he? (Dun, dun, DUN-NUN!!!)

"As you can see, Humphrey Bogart had the sitholuette of a falcon... (It's true!... Would I LIE? o_O...)