Grapes of Wrath... GREATEST NOVEL & MOVIE EVA!!!

"Our house... is in the middle of the DUST BOWL

Our house... was once a shack but now a DUMP...

Just kidding! :) (It's a very crappy situation for the Okies... D: )"

This week has been awesome, literally!!! It's ITEDS week and seniors who passed those stupid things don't have to take them EVER AGAIN!!! XD And not only that piece of good news... A.P. Lit kids have been watching the black and white classic "THE GRAPES OF WRATH" Starring Henry Fonda and directed John Ford!!! One of the greatest movies EVER!!! (I bawled the first time I watched it, because it touched my heart! <3) Grapes of Wrath is a story that follows the Joad family and their journey to California along with the other Okies who were kicked out from their homes.... Many people feel as if the book is boring and dull, well, I beg to differ.  John Steinbeck, one of the most gifted writers of all time, portrays human misery and depression incredibly well! Before this time, I don't believe that any known writer has written anything that focused on such issues before 1939.  I loved the movie as well as the book!  The Okie's tale is the saddest I've ever heard.  They were simple folk born with nothing, raised with nothing, and then a storm and land owners take all they have away.  Through out the movie, the Joad family gets screwed over... but they carry on... showing how strong human spirit.  I adore movies and books of this genre.  The movie is differnet then the book for controversial reasons.  Sure, I do enjoy a sappy romance or a "were everyone lived happly ever after" feel good hit of the year... but, those kinds of movies don't even compare to ones like Grapes of Wrath... Never...   I loved both, rather I watched it or read it...     

You'll Take Your Slaping And Like It!!! Or The Maltese Falcon Numba Eight...

"So I heard this story from a guy, who knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew this guy's cousin..."


After Iva Archer's little jealously episode earlier, Spade still resides at his place with his gal pal O' Shaunessey and tells her a story about this guy who abandoned his wife and kids, only to end up coming back to the mess he was in... to warn O' Shaunessey the mess she's in.  Anyways, Cario comes to Spade's place and the three of them discuss the issue over the "black" bird... Dun... Dun... DUNNAAAAA!!!  Cario tells them that the 15,000 is still on... and that he works... for... the... GUTMAN!!! *Gasp*  That's all I got... soooo far. Well, actually there's MORE...  You see,      

Shakespeare Was Nothing More Than A... RANT SCALLION?!!

"You could ever imagine that THIS guy could write plays? What a GENIUS!!! Oh wait... let's debate this 400 years LATER... "

For the past week, Ms. A (The wonderful woman/teacher she is ;D ) has given us a MOVIE week!!! (CUSS YAY!!! XD)  Our 1st movie we got to watch and just finished today, was none other than the movie... ANONYMOUS!!! Ms. A has been wanting to watch this movie for like... EVER.... Well, it starts out with this regular struggling playwright/poet named Ben Johnson... hes running away from these guards and he hides these documents... which are plays btw...

"Ben Johnson: unfortunate schmuck that gets screwed over in history books forever..."

Long story short, William Shakespeare didn't write his own plays, yeah, that's right... Shakespeare was a fraud, a d-bag loser pants whose awkward, not funny, and overly whimsical... that's what this whole
FREAKING movie is about!!! And that impostor even BLACKMAILED the man you REALLY wrote the greatest plays in Britain... 

"Don't be fooled by what you see... this is indeed an angry mob who can't wait to rip Shakespeare into itty bitty pieces..."

You see, Ben Johnson was asked, actually he was told that he will take have the glory of writing the plays that Lord Oxford had written, Lord Oxford is the genius, the mastermind... he can't write plays because it makes his whole family look bad... Now you wants that? Heaven forBID a Lord can express his talents and write beautiful literature that he shares with the world... 

"Lord Oxford: Errol Flynn looking and Dave Matthew talking tragic man who is doomed from the beginning... WHOSE even more screwed over than any character in this movie..." 

You see, Lord of Oxford had a little "fling" with Queen Elizabeth the 1st several years before, like when he was 12 or some crap like that and she was like...55...

"Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore of the Middle Ages..."

"See what YEARS and YEARS and YEARS and YEARS of rule, family dysfunctional relationships, and having affairs with boys 20 years younger than you can do to a woman?"

So, during his years with this Cecil guy who is the closest advisor to the Queen, when Oxford's secret affair (Ewwwwie...) is discovered Cecil forces him to marry his only rather boring young daughter.  Out of that mess came a boy and Oxford's works. 

"Cecil: Father of Robert Cecil, advisor and a man who passes his grunges and a-hole characteristics to his son... He would be proud"

However, Oxford would never know who his son was... till the end... to build suspense and screw around with the audiences minds... Anyhoo, there's this Catholic uprising going on and these two guys: Lord of Haviesham or something like that and this ginger guy, need to settle this quarrel of these poor common Catholics. 

"Lord of so and so (Something really British) and that redhead general: Two generals who happen to have fabulous perfectly quaffed hair and outstanding strategy skills..."

All in all, Robert Cecil, son of Cecil, whose always hated Oxford from the start, which isn't really explained other than Robert Cecil is just a turd of a man revails the TRUTH... to the Oxford because he thrives on people's misery...

"Robert Cecil: A little dark hunchback creep/stool pigeon who constantly lies to the Queen and secretly likes to cause drama in the royal family..."

The sad part of this whole movie is that, not only is Oxford not being credited for his plays but he slept/ conceived a boy with his SISTER Queen Elizabeth the 1st... Yeah... turns out he was one of the sons to Henry the VIII and he did it with his cougar sister... (Not the only one, mind you... she gets around) Oxford could have even been king... if he didn't write his silly little plays (Which aren't silly at all) The Queen dies and King James of Scotland takes over in her place. Oxford, wanting to die, asks Ben Johnson to disponse of his works.  When he leaves, Oxford dies, probably from gulit and more gulit.  If there is hope in the end, when King James (Like the Queen, who even unbuttons her dress because she is so moved by the words... please don't question) fancies these plays and they are saved from the fire and buring of the theater...

All in all, I enjoyed this movie and I like it! ;)

You'll Take Your Slaping And Like It!!! Or The Maltese Falcon Numba Seven...

"Listen here pal, I'm not interested in your... your... NEWSPAPER!!!"

After Spade had his way with O'Shaunessey, you know what I'm talking about, he secretly pulled out a pair of tickets that gay Cairo guy had in his pocket and goes to the Geary theater.  Then, all of the sudden, Spade is being followed by this kid.  This kid is watching all his moves and, well, Spade doesn't like it... than he sees that same kid on his way to see O'Shaunessey again for info and maybe some lovin.  Anyhoo, O' Shaunessy delays the conversion about that "bird" sill and Iva Archer, who wanted to see Spade sees him with another woman... AND she is P.Oed... So, what do jealous women do? Well, they simply send the police up to your door...    

You'll Take Your Slaping And Like It!!! OR The Maltese Falcon, Numba Six...

"Spade: Are you a poof?!!

Cairo: I SHOULD SAY NOT!!!"

In Chapter 5, I explained to you, the audience or reader or whatever, that Spade was visited by a flaming homosexual poof  by the name of Joel Cairo (He shows clear signs of queerness, not making fun of gays because I respect them and their "sexual" orientation, by putting his cane in his mouth... yeah... you're smart, you can figure it out...)  Anyhoo... he gives Spade an offer of $15,000 while he searched Spade's place... using his gun, you know, pointing at him and what not...  for the  MALTESE FALCON (Dun... Dun... DUNNNNN...) 

"Instead of both you and I being copeople, why can't we be... CO-RELATIONS?"

Cairo skips out like a gay boy out of Spade's flat (No joke...) leaving Spade to ponder on this "Falcon" thing or whatever... Spade, with his womanizer skills, get's it on with O'Shaunessey to get info on that bird.  She, of course, is a big floozy and she just leads him and and says that she has the bird, but it's not WITH her... (We all know that's wrong... ;) )

"When I think of YOU I touch my cane..."

You'll Take Your Slapin' And Like It!!! OR The Maltese Falcon Numba Five, See?...

"(Peter Lorre voice:) So, yeah, I stole this from some poor blind guy... not like he needed it or anything... Hee-hee "

After Spade's little "visit" with dame Brigid O'Shaunessessy and that little departing scene they share, Spade decides that he needs to sort this business between him and the coppers.  He goes to the attorney's office and basically says "I didn't do it,see? These coppas got it all wrong... next time ya wanna bring ya boys to accuse me, I'll just refuse, get me? Actually... it was more like Spade asked the attorney how long he can refuse to answer the coppers ri-dunk-ious questions. 

Leaving the attorney's office P-Oed, Spade returns to his apartment to find his little weasel of a man who calls himself... "John Cario."  This "guy" offers Spade a reward of $5,000 for a rare bird called... "THE MALTESE FALCON." (Dun... Dun... DUNNNNNN....)  However, like a little weasel, the little you know pulls out a gun on Spade and searches his office...  Spade knocks him unconscious and discovers some tickets in his pocket... Yeah, like Spade would have some "rare" bird in his office... or DOES he? (Dun, dun, DUN-NUN!!!)

"As you can see, Humphrey Bogart had the sitholuette of a falcon... (It's true!... Would I LIE? o_O...)